Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Today has been a long day coming. How all of a sudden a thing can change.

Today has been an eye opening for me if I have ever known one. I explained it at one point as the being the single most strangest in all my 32 years. Let me just update to let everyone know that I had my update with my oncologist yesterday and things were a little less "normal" than they have been in the past. They weren't based on any real findings or new results, but from the general images that were gathered from my previous trip to the hospital, things have gotten worse.

Things are bad enough where Dr Spira is no longer hopeful that Ipilmumab is working, and I am now what he considers a "cancer patient." He certainly could have pulled the plug in my upcoming vacation, but he didn't -- and for that I am glad. I think we're gonna need the break. He didn't draw any new blood work, but he did order a BRAF mutation screen against my original melanoma block to see if I am eligible for one of his other pills. Now certainly, Ipi could still be working, where they have reported regressions at over year after treatment. For the first time, it no longer looks like time is playing very nicely into my hands.

Since the hospital I've been hiccuping and have been in pretty severe pain. Dr Spira calls this reference pain that is being felt near the bottom of my liver by the nerve endings on the capsule. I've been able to come off the morphine but am on a pretty loyal dose of Oxycoton and a fentanyl patch on my arm. Over the past few days it has also been increasingly difficult to keep foods down. Now I'm not sure if I had just been a brain fuzz with all these new drugs, but this a'int good news folks. It's been difficult to keep down foods even throughout today, until Amy made me, you guessed it some vegetable broth and a potato. It was while I was finally holding this food down when it call came back so clear to me, why I did Gerson in the first place. I did Gerson before I was ever even sick, and so I don't know that even how vigorous we were following to the therapy, that I totally grasped the full ideas behind it.

My leg pain has been at it's worst today than ever before. Because of the hospital visits, I never got it for my initial alignments etc so that'll be the first thing I do when I return from Florida. I need to get some relief.

Of course I've joked about this in the past, but today was the first time I've even considered using "medical marijuana" to help keep down some of the food. In the weeks ahead, maryland legislators are working to pass a bill to make it legal in the State of Maryland. There are still obvious time considerations and federal jurisdictions to consider.

I had a reiki healer introduced into my life today. She was kind and gave me an hour of her time of what I considered to be a very peaceful, spiritual and eye opening experience. I'm not a very spiritual person, but now after speaking with her I now believe that my grand father is watching over me, helping me fight.

Since my two year battle started, I am finally at a point where I consider myself "sick." Not really a place that I ever wanted to consider myself, and I am scared. I don't know if I've been living under a rock this whole time or what, but I feel like my cancer survivorship started today. And now that it is all written down, I feel like I can still be a winner. I know that I can beat this.

9 comments:

Laurie said...

Mike Brockey...I'm so sorry that you are living a new reality. It's just so mind-boggling to me how things can change so quickly...although I guess things just change so subtly that we don't notice.

But again...you are a man who is making a choice. You are choosing LIFE! You are choosing SURVIVORSHIP! You are choosing your FAMILY, and with that, a much-deserved trip to the "happiest place on earth!"

Cancer is not winning, Mike. It's being a pain in the a**, but it's NOT winning!

I have a poem that I want to share with you.... It's one written by a woman who was facing a challenging journey. It's called My Boots and was written by Irene Ann Felkoff...and it goes like this:

I knew they were in the back of my closet somewhere.
I'm not sure why I kept them. I really never did put them to good use. Rummaging through my closet I realized I must have known somewhere in my subconscious mind
I would actually need them one day. So, I tossed aside my red pumps and black loafers...and smiled when I saw one of my hiking boots underneath the piled mess.

I talked to myself while I was fumbling with the laces.
I said, "OK self its time to put the boots on. You have quite a hill in front of you...and it does not matter what they have told you...YOU ABSOLUTELY CAN WALK RIGHT THROUGH THIS." And a few tears ran down my cheeks because sometimes even the best boots can't help you over the hardest obstacles.

My boots are on now and they are planted firmly to the ground. It does not matter to me what the test results are or the "statistics." I've heard all the medical advice and what I should do while I'm "biding" my time. I am who I am and I have to believe my spirit, my prayers to God, and my attitude will "heal" me more than anything I have to pick up from a pharmacy or any needle that is delivering "medicine" through my arm.

Occasionally you may hear I've stopped climbing to brush the dirt off of my knees. You may even see me sitting right beneath the top of the hill sobbing. But certainly none of that will make a difference when you see me standing at the top of the hill, my boots tightly strapped, though a bit worn ... celebrating my life full of miracles.

You'll have lots of company as your climb this "proverbial" hill. You've already lived part of your miracle, Mike. Let's start living some more of it!

Love you, Brockey family!!!!

<3 Laurie

Anonymous said...

Dear Mike,
I was following your blog for a year and was scared to read that you're quitting Gerson Therapy as it is very dangereous to stop it in the middle. Now I'm even more concerned and sad to read your recent posts...Maybe you'd like to reconsider if it helps you keep food down? Has it crossed your mind that it is why you felt so well while doing this particular therapy, boosting your body instead of poisoning it? Making a choice for life is really difficult. Helping your body recover its self-healing powers is hard but not impossible. And realizing your illness is there and needs tending to is also a brave thing to do. Despite saying that I feel everyone has the right to choose their own healing path and I hope you'll follow your instincts to choose the best options...

Anonymous said...

This was in a newsletter from M.D.Anderson's Cancerwise:

A small Phase II study at MD Anderson in 2008 indicated that in patients with pancreatic cancer, daily dosage of curcumin without chemotherapy helped slow tumor growth in some patients and reduced the size of a tumor in one patient.

Bharat Aggarwal, Ph.D., professor in the Department of Experimental Therapeutics, continues to conduct and analyze a number of studies that focus on the effects of curcumin on cancer. He says he believes it is effective on all forms of the disease due to its suppression of angiogenesis (blood vessel growth) of tumor cells.

"No cancer has been found, to my knowledge, which is not affected by curcumin," Aggarwal says. "The reason curcumin is so effective against cancer is that it hits not just a single target or cell signaling pathway but dozens of targets implicated in cancer."

Mike, I've been following your blog. Some of those with melanoma who post on MPIP have been using turmeric/curcumin with some success.

You are in the prayers of many people.

C.

The Waters said...

I just found your blog and was hoping to hear you had more success with Gerson. I would hope you would concider staying on it while continuing your other treatment as well. All in all, it's a healty lifestyle and your so set up and have it down pact. I have faith in the body even if it takes some more time and endurance I hope you won't give up comepletely on it. I pray you find good health in the future.

Anonymous said...

Mike, I am just preparing to start Gerson myself and it all makes so much sense. I know it's very difficult to stick to but this is a fight for life, I will do my best. Please consider going back on it full time.
My very best wishes,
Mayre

Anonymous said...

Mike:

I've been following your blog for some time now. I am hoping and praying for you to be restored to health and relieved from pain.

Steven Clark said...

Sad to hear you're not doing so well Mike... I hope things pull together in the next month. Not sure how I would have been handling it now had my melanoma been deeper than .6mm ... scarey stuff.

All the best from Tasmania.

Anonymous said...

http://www.rukousystavat.fi/PrayerMyLife.html

Hi,

If you want to, please read this and you can send a prayer request there too. Nothing to worry about, I have written there many times myself.

I've been following your blog for a while, you are a great man and a real fighter. I'll be praying for you and hope things get better soon.

Wish you and your family all the best, God bless,

Joanna from Finland

Anonymous said...

Are you going to go back to gerson full time? I know that this may not mean much coming from cyber land, but people are pulling for you to beat this, people do beat this. Stay positive brother!
Skye