Thursday, September 2, 2010

Progression is clear. The future is not.

It's taken a few days and several rewrites to get my thoughts out for this blog posting. I'm not after perfection, instead it is all about using the right tone. After meeting with Dr Jang on Tuesday, it is clear that my disease has not only continued to grow, it has also continued to spread.

I still have several small tumors throughout. The target lesion on my liver has increased in size. The large tumor on my spleen has continued to grow. I once again have a growth on my left adrenal gland. I now have bone involvement in my right leg, which explains some recent dull irritation. Though not confirmed, I additionally have concerns about some pain that I feel in my right arm.

All things considered, and to the credit of the Gerson Therapy, I have now lived for 15 months with Stage IV Malignant Melanoma without, or with very mild symptoms. My doctor says that this is a result of my IL2 treatment. Regardless, seeing as how the average life expectancy is 6 to 9 months while mostly sick, I guess I really should not complain.

I have been looking closely at the new headlining drugs PLX4032 and Ipilimumab as possible avenues but they both come with their own criticisms. After speaking with a few people, I've also gained some interest in looking at possible vaccine options, though not any of the ones that are currently being offered in the US seem promising.

The third option would be to stay the course. Figure out some way to even more aggressively isolate myself from the world and rely solely on the words and wisdom of Dr Max Gerson. The fact that I still feel good, to me, gives credit to his madness. I just know that if I am to jump ship and try a radical treatment as only the western medical practice can offer, now is the time.

I am scared like hell to stop this therapy.
I am scared like hell to stay the course.
I am scared like hell to try anything else.
I am scared like hell to not try.

6 comments:

Laurie said...

FAITH.....HOPE.....beLIeVE....

Mike, I think it's time to share this poem written by a woman named Irene Felkoff. She was not given a lot of hope when she was diagnosed with cancer, and yet she outlived her "expiration date" by years. It is called "My Boots" and although it refers to her red pumps, just insert black wingtips or something. :o)

MY BOOTS

I knew they were in the back of my closet somewhere.
I'm not sure why I kept them. I really never did put them to good use. Rummaging through my closet I realized I must have known somewhere in my subconscious mind
I would actually need them one day. So, I tossed aside my red pumps and black loafers...and smiled when I saw one of my hiking boots underneath the piled mess.

I talked to myself while I was fumbling with the laces.
I said, "OK self its time to put the boots on. You have quite a hill in front of you...and it does not matter what they have told you...YOU ABSOLUTELY CAN WALK RIGHT THROUGH THIS." And a few tears ran down my cheeks because sometimes even the best boots can't help you over the hardest obstacles.

My boots are on now and they are planted firmly to the ground. It does not matter to me what the test results are or the "statistics." I've heard all the medical advice and what I should do while I'm "biding" my time. I am who I am and I have to believe my spirit, my prayers to God, and my attitude will "heal" me more than anything I have to pick up from a pharmacy or any needle that is delivering "medicine" through my arm.

Occasionally you may hear I've stopped climbing to brush the dirt off of my knees. You may even see me sitting right beneath the top of the hill sobbing. But certainly none of that will make a difference when you see me standing at the top of the hill, my boots tightly strapped, though a bit worn ... celebrating my life full of miracles.


You ARE living a MIRACLE, Mike Brockey....whether it be from the prayers being sent up on your behalf, from the IL2 treatment you had early on, or from Gerson. In all likelihood it is a combination of all of these things.

Don't lose sight of the facts here.... You have doubled the original expectation of survival. You were able to see your youngest daughter be born, hold her, celebrate birthdays with your wife and kids. You actually had a doctor tell you, "You look GREAT!" You are a SURVIVOR!!!

You aren't alone in your fear. You have many people who are afraid with you and for you. But I am here...and they are here...sharing FAITH, HOPE, and LOVE. On those days when you're running low, just let me know and I will shower you with more.

You are a smart man with a good instinct. Follow your heart, because it will not let you down.

I don't have the slightest idea what the future holds for you, for me, for anyone. What I DO know is that tomorrow the sun will rise and so will you. Follow that pattern...just keep getting out of bed, and cancer will not win. In the meantime, I'll keep sending up those prayers, you keep researching options, and together we will continue to beLIeVE!

I love you Brockey Family!!!!

<3 Laurie

Anonymous said...

Mike I read this post yesterday and kept staring at it trying to come up with something to say to you. So, here I am again today not sure what to say... except keep trusting your instincts and do what you feel is right for you and your family. The Gerson is no easy task, and I applaud you for staying true to it. There are days when I feel I can beat my cancer, then there are days like you, i'm scared like hell. We are only human and cancer is a reminder how precious life is - so keep fighting and to believe you can is everything Mike! Keep believing.
I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
Maureen

Daniela said...

Trust yourself...more than you do.

~dean ornish

Anonymous said...

Hi Mike. My name is Donna. I am a close friend of the Oberlees. They have shared with my husband Bruce and me the story of your and Amy's life. Whew. I saw the video Amy put together with the song Monte wrote and sang for you. It all moved me to tears. You are such an awesome young man. You have worked steadfastly at living. You show me how much we take for granted. I just want to share something with you.

Last year I had a looooong, crazy stretch of very bad health, and was told by a surgeon that I had an 80% chance of malignant lymphoma. Well, after three biopsies, and a myriad of hi-tech tests, we found out I have sarcoidosis. Only fatal if it hits my lungs. So far, so good.

The reason I am telling you this is that when I was going through that, I remember the feeling that the only thing that mattered was the people I loved. Period. I believe you probably feel the same way I do. My husband and I looked at each other before my diagnosis with the look like,"Well, is this it then, is it over?"

And you know, I had a sense of peace. We had found love, we had a child and two grandchildren. We had people to love, and people who loved us, and that is an amazing blessing.

I believe God is really close to your situation. I don't know what your spiritual beliefs are, and I hope you don't mind that I'm praying for you, Amy and your beautiful children daily. I believe you were created for a reason, and when you fulfill that purpose, all believers will be in Heaven for eternity - with God and all other believers who have already gone on before.

So when I remembered that, for myself, it gave me peace. I hope for you that your very strength and courage and intelligence carries you a lot further on this earth. I pray that you come to a decision on your care that suits you. I believe that you have the answer already, somewhere in your heart and mind. I recommend you sit still and listen to what God has to say, and He will speak to your heart. I probably sound like a whacko to you, but that's what worked for me. I believe that God sent you the Gerson program to carry you this far. You have done such a wonderful job. Now, as for your indecision about your future treatment, be still and know that He is God. Listen. He'll give you clear advice. Just listen.

I wish you soooooo much health, and I'll continue praying for your family. You are so richly blessed with them. And they with you.

Love,

Donna

Anonymous said...

Hi Mike. My name is Donna. I am a close friend of the Oberlees. They have shared with my husband Bruce and me the story of your and Amy's life. Whew. I saw the video Amy put together with the song Monte wrote and sang for you. It all moved me to tears. You are such an awesome young man. You have worked steadfastly at living. You show me how much we take for granted. I just want to share something with you.

Last year I had a looooong, crazy stretch of very bad health, and was told by a surgeon that I had an 80% chance of malignant lymphoma. Well, after three biopsies, and a myriad of hi-tech tests, we found out I have sarcoidosis. Only fatal if it hits my lungs. So far, so good.

The reason I am telling you this is that when I was going through that, I remember the feeling that the only thing that mattered was the people I loved. Period. I believe you probably feel the same way I do. My husband and I looked at each other before my diagnosis with the look like,"Well, is this it then, is it over?"

And you know, I had a sense of peace. We had found love, we had a child and two grandchildren. We had people to love, and people who loved us, and that is an amazing blessing.

I believe God is really close to your situation. I don't know what your spiritual beliefs are, and I hope you don't mind that I'm praying for you, Amy and your beautiful children daily. I believe you were created for a reason, and when you fulfill that purpose, all believers will be in Heaven for eternity - with God and all other believers who have already gone on before.

So when I remembered that, for myself, it gave me peace. I hope for you that your very strength and courage and intelligence carries you a lot further on this earth. I pray that you come to a decision on your care that suits you. I believe that you have the answer already, somewhere in your heart and mind. I recommend you sit still and listen to what God has to say, and He will speak to your heart. I probably sound like a whacko to you, but that's what worked for me. I believe that God sent you the Gerson program to carry you this far. You have done such a wonderful job. Now, as for your indecision about your future treatment, be still and know that He is God. Listen. He'll give you clear advice. Just listen.

I wish you soooooo much health, and I'll continue praying for your family. You are so richly blessed with them. And they with you.

Love,

Donna

Anonymous said...

Hi Mike. My name is Donna. I am a close friend of the Oberlees. They have shared with my husband Bruce and me the story of your and Amy's life. Whew. I saw the video Amy put together with the song Monte wrote and sang for you. It all moved me to tears. You are such an awesome young man. You have worked steadfastly at living. You show me how much we take for granted. I just want to share something with you.

Last year I had a looooong, crazy stretch of very bad health, and was told by a surgeon that I had an 80% chance of malignant lymphoma. Well, after three biopsies, and a myriad of hi-tech tests, we found out I have sarcoidosis. Only fatal if it hits my lungs. So far, so good.

The reason I am telling you this is that when I was going through that, I remember the feeling that the only thing that mattered was the people I loved. Period. I believe you probably feel the same way I do. My husband and I looked at each other before my diagnosis with the look like,"Well, is this it then, is it over?"

And you know, I had a sense of peace. We had found love, we had a child and two grandchildren. We had people to love, and people who loved us, and that is an amazing blessing.

I believe God is really close to your situation. I don't know what your spiritual beliefs are, and I hope you don't mind that I'm praying for you, Amy and your beautiful children daily. I believe you were created for a reason, and when you fulfill that purpose, all believers will be in Heaven for eternity - with God and all other believers who have already gone on before.

So when I remembered that, for myself, it gave me peace. I hope for you that your very strength and courage and intelligence carries you a lot further on this earth. I pray that you come to a decision on your care that suits you. I believe that you have the answer already, somewhere in your heart and mind. I recommend you sit still and listen to what God has to say, and He will speak to your heart. I probably sound like a whacko to you, but that's what worked for me. I believe that God sent you the Gerson program to carry you this far. You have done such a wonderful job. Now, as for your indecision about your future treatment, be still and know that He is God. Listen. He'll give you clear advice. Just listen.

I wish you soooooo much health, and I'll continue praying for your family. You are so richly blessed with them. And they with you.

Love,

Donna